darillian (darillian) wrote,

No, I am not ready for tomorrow, but it is still coming

Tomorrow is May's birthday.  She is turning four.  : )

Despite her do-it-herself haircut, she is still cute, though demanding.  We need to work on that a bit more - making requests rather than demands.

I had a revelation today.  I am afraid.  I have never really been afraid in my life.  I've felt panic and all, like when you think you'll get  in a car accident or something, but never truly felt *fear*.

I don't like it.

My fear is not for me.  I will go wherever I am to go if something should happen.  I am afraid for my children if something should happen to me, and I am afraid for the baby I carry now, whether I am okay or not. 

I am packing a suitcase for my doc visit this week, and I think I will ask to be hospitalized.  I think that may be best right now.  I have serious sharp pain when I try to move or get out of bed now, and that can't be good.  Also, my blood  pressure was elevated this last doc visit.  I'm pretty sure the stress of everyday here at home is not good for me right now.  Not necessarily kids, but having to struggle just to do the smallest thing.  So I think it is time to see about staying where I can be taken care of.  Even if, in my experience, the nurses are pretty much morons.

That said, the week's to-do's:

1)  Pack suitcase
2)  May school
3)  Birthdy cake
4)  Presents
5)  HW
     257 videos
      257 chap 4
     257 chap 5
     257 assign3
     258 videos
     258 online reading
     258 chap 4
     258 assign4
6)  Call P
7)  Set up magic jack
8)  Read dist
9)  Read Access

Tags: kids, life, pregnant, to-do
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